La Mandarina del Vuelo (The Flying Tangerine)

I didn't want to blog this but my arm was twisted enough times. I want to state immediately that this wasn't my proudest moment nor my brightest..

I've been called a lot of names in my 28 years on planet Earf. Names like Dickhead, Jerk, Asshole, Boomer, Boner, Idiot, Manwhore.. I mean the list goes on forever but they're all derivatives of the above mentioned. Theres one name I've been called that needs to be explained. That would be the Flying Tangerine. where to begin..

welllllll it begins with martini's at the Bees, as in Applebees. who fuckin drinks martinis at Applebees you ask? well I certainly do. no need for restaurant discrimination. i'd say I had three of those bad boy filthy grey goose martinis and i was feelin a little bojangled. Oh I need to mention i was three weeks off of buying a almost new Saab 9.3. did I mention the turbo:). after three martinis I felt it was time to get myself home before I got into any trouble. Everybody parted ways and I went on my way home. I was so proud of myself because i wasn't abusing the turbo because i had been drinking. so i got about two miles from home and realized i was home free... time for turboner. rounded the corner and punched it. AS SOON as it kicked in this asshole next to me in the outside lane decides to make a u turn.. yes a u turn. i couldn't react quickly enough and t boned him. not high speed but enough to do damage to his back axle or support arms and my passenger airbag went off. my airbag didn't go off . go figure. every hampster in my head went into crisis mode as soon as we crashed. I knew it. ''I'm fucked'', I said to myself. I get out and tell the guy we should get the cars off the road first. he drove his 3 wheel motioned buick into one parking lot and i pushed mine(dam car wouldn't start) inot the adjacent lot. at this point I knew I was going to get a DWI so I had to get the fuck out of there. why not? I had seen a similar thing happen on a COPS episode yearssss earlier. Forgot to mention the tangarine button up shirt I had on. Went over to the guy and he was on the phone to the cops. DOUBLE FREAK OUT MODE. the whole ''lets exchange info bit'' wasn't gonna work. I decided I was gonna fuckin book it. I told the guy over his conversation that i was gonna head over to my car which wasn't visible from his location and grab my insurance and registration crap. as soon as he couldn't see me I took off like Superman behind a bunch of condos with a Tangerine shirt on. I'm sure, actually im positive, that some dude was eating jamocha almond fudge and watching American Idol when he saw a Tangerine bolt of lightning sail across his back wall. Im tired after writing so im gonna skip some boring details. I got home and poured myself a big drink and called the the cops. I got out of it. I got a ticket for leaving the scene of an accident but I got out of a DWI. the cop knew exactly what I did but couldn't do a damn thing. I had outsmarted them:) and got to sleep in my bed that night.